I suffer from an anxiety/panic disorder. It started in my mid twenties. It wasn't that bad in the beginning but it has gotten worse over the years. I do have a few techniques that help and one of them is music. I have loved music since I was a kid. It has always had an impact on my life. So this brings me to the song "I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz. It has helped me through these last couple of months. I listen to it a lot. Not only is it just a soothing sound but the words make sense and help me. I listened to it off and on during our road trip to Peoria, the morning of the surgery after being prepped but waiting to be transported to the operating room and I even listened to it all drugged up the night of my surgery. Before John left that first night, he positioned everything for me where I could reach it and the first thing I thought was I am NOT moving for anything! A while later the song came to mind and I hit the play button. I will continue to listen to it, and for your listening pleasure I have inserted the lyric video just below.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
I Won't Give Up
I have been "sitting" with the findings/results from my surgery for a little over a week now. I was upset at first, since I didn't expect to hear that my ovaries were fibrous and that they don't look poly cystic since that has been my diagnosis for years. It was heartbreaking to hear the doctor say she had never seen this type of ovary before. It's not that she hasn't seen fibrous ovaries, because she has, it's that they usually have tumors as well, which I don't, so that is a positive for me. And of course I wish she could tell me if she thinks I can get pregnant or not with these darn ovaries of mine, but she couldn't and I have accepted that. My sister, Tammy helped me with that. At first I didn't want to talk to my sisters because they always have questions (understandably) and I didn't want to answer or have to think to come up with an answer. I was mentally drained. Of course, after I talked to Tammy I wished I'd have talked to her sooner. She helped me see the positive things from my visit to the doctor. The biggest thing was that there is still hope. If there wasn't the doctor would have walked in and said I'm sorry, there is nothing else I can do for you. So, thanks Tammy for helping me see that and more.
I suffer from an anxiety/panic disorder. It started in my mid twenties. It wasn't that bad in the beginning but it has gotten worse over the years. I do have a few techniques that help and one of them is music. I have loved music since I was a kid. It has always had an impact on my life. So this brings me to the song "I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz. It has helped me through these last couple of months. I listen to it a lot. Not only is it just a soothing sound but the words make sense and help me. I listened to it off and on during our road trip to Peoria, the morning of the surgery after being prepped but waiting to be transported to the operating room and I even listened to it all drugged up the night of my surgery. Before John left that first night, he positioned everything for me where I could reach it and the first thing I thought was I am NOT moving for anything! A while later the song came to mind and I hit the play button. I will continue to listen to it, and for your listening pleasure I have inserted the lyric video just below.
I suffer from an anxiety/panic disorder. It started in my mid twenties. It wasn't that bad in the beginning but it has gotten worse over the years. I do have a few techniques that help and one of them is music. I have loved music since I was a kid. It has always had an impact on my life. So this brings me to the song "I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz. It has helped me through these last couple of months. I listen to it a lot. Not only is it just a soothing sound but the words make sense and help me. I listened to it off and on during our road trip to Peoria, the morning of the surgery after being prepped but waiting to be transported to the operating room and I even listened to it all drugged up the night of my surgery. Before John left that first night, he positioned everything for me where I could reach it and the first thing I thought was I am NOT moving for anything! A while later the song came to mind and I hit the play button. I will continue to listen to it, and for your listening pleasure I have inserted the lyric video just below.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Post Op Follow Up
I had my 2 week post op follow up with Dr. S today. Some good news and some that I don't really know how to process, mainly because I didn't get much direction from Dr. S on it.
1.) The polyp from my uterus was benign! Great news!
2.) I have a bacterial infection in my uterus that is causing inflammation. Boo! 21 days of antibiotics should clear that up. Dr. S also recommends I start the anti-inflammatory diet as well.
3.) This one is the one that upsets me the most. I have been told most of my adult life that I have PCOS. Dr. S tells me today that although "clinically" I have a diagnosis of PCOS, when she did the wedge resection she sent the part of my ovaries that she removed to the pathologist. The report shows that my ovaries don't look poly cystic. They are fibrous (dense) and don't have follicles. Well, that didn't sound good to me and then the doc hits me with she's never seen this before. That really didn't sound good. When I asked if she felt I could get pregnant she couldn't give me an answer. Not the news I was expecting at all.
My next steps are to chart for the next 4 weeks and see what my body does on its own and then we'll go from there.
1.) The polyp from my uterus was benign! Great news!
2.) I have a bacterial infection in my uterus that is causing inflammation. Boo! 21 days of antibiotics should clear that up. Dr. S also recommends I start the anti-inflammatory diet as well.
3.) This one is the one that upsets me the most. I have been told most of my adult life that I have PCOS. Dr. S tells me today that although "clinically" I have a diagnosis of PCOS, when she did the wedge resection she sent the part of my ovaries that she removed to the pathologist. The report shows that my ovaries don't look poly cystic. They are fibrous (dense) and don't have follicles. Well, that didn't sound good to me and then the doc hits me with she's never seen this before. That really didn't sound good. When I asked if she felt I could get pregnant she couldn't give me an answer. Not the news I was expecting at all.
My next steps are to chart for the next 4 weeks and see what my body does on its own and then we'll go from there.
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