I suffer from an anxiety/panic disorder. It started in my mid twenties. It wasn't that bad in the beginning but it has gotten worse over the years. I do have a few techniques that help and one of them is music. I have loved music since I was a kid. It has always had an impact on my life. So this brings me to the song "I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz. It has helped me through these last couple of months. I listen to it a lot. Not only is it just a soothing sound but the words make sense and help me. I listened to it off and on during our road trip to Peoria, the morning of the surgery after being prepped but waiting to be transported to the operating room and I even listened to it all drugged up the night of my surgery. Before John left that first night, he positioned everything for me where I could reach it and the first thing I thought was I am NOT moving for anything! A while later the song came to mind and I hit the play button. I will continue to listen to it, and for your listening pleasure I have inserted the lyric video just below.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
I Won't Give Up
I have been "sitting" with the findings/results from my surgery for a little over a week now. I was upset at first, since I didn't expect to hear that my ovaries were fibrous and that they don't look poly cystic since that has been my diagnosis for years. It was heartbreaking to hear the doctor say she had never seen this type of ovary before. It's not that she hasn't seen fibrous ovaries, because she has, it's that they usually have tumors as well, which I don't, so that is a positive for me. And of course I wish she could tell me if she thinks I can get pregnant or not with these darn ovaries of mine, but she couldn't and I have accepted that. My sister, Tammy helped me with that. At first I didn't want to talk to my sisters because they always have questions (understandably) and I didn't want to answer or have to think to come up with an answer. I was mentally drained. Of course, after I talked to Tammy I wished I'd have talked to her sooner. She helped me see the positive things from my visit to the doctor. The biggest thing was that there is still hope. If there wasn't the doctor would have walked in and said I'm sorry, there is nothing else I can do for you. So, thanks Tammy for helping me see that and more.
I suffer from an anxiety/panic disorder. It started in my mid twenties. It wasn't that bad in the beginning but it has gotten worse over the years. I do have a few techniques that help and one of them is music. I have loved music since I was a kid. It has always had an impact on my life. So this brings me to the song "I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz. It has helped me through these last couple of months. I listen to it a lot. Not only is it just a soothing sound but the words make sense and help me. I listened to it off and on during our road trip to Peoria, the morning of the surgery after being prepped but waiting to be transported to the operating room and I even listened to it all drugged up the night of my surgery. Before John left that first night, he positioned everything for me where I could reach it and the first thing I thought was I am NOT moving for anything! A while later the song came to mind and I hit the play button. I will continue to listen to it, and for your listening pleasure I have inserted the lyric video just below.
I suffer from an anxiety/panic disorder. It started in my mid twenties. It wasn't that bad in the beginning but it has gotten worse over the years. I do have a few techniques that help and one of them is music. I have loved music since I was a kid. It has always had an impact on my life. So this brings me to the song "I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz. It has helped me through these last couple of months. I listen to it a lot. Not only is it just a soothing sound but the words make sense and help me. I listened to it off and on during our road trip to Peoria, the morning of the surgery after being prepped but waiting to be transported to the operating room and I even listened to it all drugged up the night of my surgery. Before John left that first night, he positioned everything for me where I could reach it and the first thing I thought was I am NOT moving for anything! A while later the song came to mind and I hit the play button. I will continue to listen to it, and for your listening pleasure I have inserted the lyric video just below.
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My dh has done the same thing with me and seeing all of the positives of the surgery instead of concentrating on the fact that the endo came back worse after my last surgery which was only 3 years ago! I was so miffed at that other dr. I just have to let that go and move on. We need reminders to be positive and in the long run that will help us get through tough times in our lives. Are you going to have future follow up with Dr.S? I'm going to follow up with my g.p. Not sure I'll have to go to Peor.ia again. She's great and honest. I felt like I was taken care of completely and getting me healthy is of the most importance. She was very easy to talk too...wasn't she?
ReplyDeleteShe was very easy to talk to. I appreciated that. I believe I will do more follow up with her. I love my g.p. but she is not trained in NaPro and I really need that. The closet NaPro general practitioner to me is Rockford which is about an hour from me. I have thought about going to that dr. I drive there for my creighton method tracking teacher. She's in the same office as the napro docs. Anyway I haven't made my mind up yet. I do love dr. S. so I'll keep working with her and following her plan for me. She does want me to send her a copy of my chart in a couple of weeks and then we are going to decide what to do next. I'm happy that you were able to have such a thorough surgery and she was able to get everything out and that she doesn't think it will return. Those are all good signs. And it looks like dr s gave you an answer to your pregnancy question, which is good. I have an all around good feeling!!
DeleteYes, I know and I trust Dr.S with all of my being but there's a part of me that remembers what the other dr's told me also...so I thread forward carefully. I just can't get my hopes up. I also remember the pain of not getting pregnant and having to give up my hopes. No one can protect my heart like I can, right?
DeleteDo you see Mary for your charting? I see her and Dr. G. for napro/g.p. I've been a patient of dr g for about three years now. She's pretty good and I loved it when she started napro training. She was the one who told me to get more medical interventions. Now I'm glad I did.
Dr. G will do my follow up appt in a few weeks and I will get the hormone meds, etc from Dr.S and do cycle reviews with her nurses. I like that better. I can ask the nurses at Dr.S.'s office about anything. I like that a lot.
I completely understand protecting your heart! It is the natural thing to do. Sometimes I think to myself that it would be better to give up rather than be disappointed when it "never" happens anyway. I keep pushing through those thoughts for now and I try to stay hopeful.
DeleteI do see Mary for charting. I like her a lot. And, like I said in the previous reply, I have thought about seeing Dr. G. For now I'm going to stick with Dr. S, but who knows what the future holds.
How have you been feeling? I started back to teaching and had my prek kiddos last week. I did lift some crying children...even though Dr. S. told me to wait. I had to comfort those babies. I did get some pain but very minimal. I'm kind of interested in what my cycle will do too. I should get it next week sometime. I'm not sure how to be prepared. Pre-surgery I felt crampy for about ten days before CD1...and three days before CD1 I was so bloated and uncomfortable (felt like contractions). So far, I'm feeling okay...minimal cramping...I know I'm still healing so I expect that but I haven't taken one pain pill. Hmmmmm....most of all, I'm thankful. Just so thankful. Hope you are doing well.
DeleteI have my follow up with Dr. G on Tuesday after work. I'm curious to know how the tests done during surgery have panned out.
I am doing pretty good. I thought I would be pain free by now (6 weeks out) but I'm not. The pain is not bad but my lower abdomen does hurt to the touch. I am back to normal activities though, which is good! Much like you, I was curious what my cycle would be like too or if I would even get one (since mine are sooooo irregular) I did get one! I am very happy about that! When I left Dr. S office at my 2 week check up I was discouraged and not sure if my cycles would return or not. So it's good news to me. My cramps were very much like contractions throughout my cycle, but not this time :)
DeleteI am happy to hear that you are doing well and I am super happy that the surgery worked out with your work schedule! I couldn't imagine crying children and not being able to comfort them, I don't blame you one bit for picking them up!
I hope all goes well with Dr. G. Please keep me posted. Thanks for checking in with me. I truly do appreciate it! :)