Nieces and Nephews

It's late and I can't sleep. I am in Ohio visiting my family! It has been a wonderful trip so far. My brother and his awesome wife have 4 beautiful children. I just sit back and watch them in amazement. They are so smart, funny, creative, full of life and full of love. The kids were so excited that we (I bring my mom and aunt every year to visit) were coming. The 3 oldest (all girls) cleaned the house and prepared for our arrival all day long on Thursday. We initially were supposed to be in around 2:00pm but we got off to a very late start and did not arrive until 9:00pm. I'm sure that must have been an eternity to them. Each one of the girls made a card for each of us. They were very thoughtful and they tailored them to the person it was for. I happen to love butterflies so each card I received had their artistic take on what a butterfly looks like along with a note inside. My Mom always calls them her little angels so each card she received had an angel on it along with a special note for her. My nephew did not partake in the card making, however he certainly didn't mind passing out hugs and smooches! I call him my little love bug. He is the most agreeable child I have ever met. I get such a kick out of him. I am blessed to have these little stinks in my life! I only wish we saw each other more! I absolutely cherish the time I spend with them and always will.

During this trip I have been doing a lot of thinking about my upcoming surgery and hoping all goes the way I want it to go, and while doing this a memory came to mind of when I found out my sister in law was pregnant with their 4th child. It is not a nice memory for me though. I wish it was, but it's not! In general that year had been tough for me. I will fill you in on the events leading up to finding out about the 4th child. In November my "baby" brother and his girlfriend announced they were pregnant (his first child and her second child) and for some reason it hit me hard. I could not stop myself from crying from the moment I found out until the following day. I had been wanting a child since the day I got married and it wasn't happening for us (we had been married for 5 years at this point). I eventually got over the sting from this news and went on to being happy for them. I hosted their baby shower the following April. My Ohio family came to the shower, which was a great surprise. Baby Taylor was born in May. I fell in love instantly with that little girl! I, of course, wish I had not taken the news so hard. She is a blessing and I can honestly say she has changed my life! Now fast forward to labor day weekend, the same year. My Ohio family was in town. My Mom's house was normally the gathering house for the picnics so I arrived ready to have a great time and enjoy my three beautiful nieces that I rarely see. My older brother is really into the element of surprise. He loves to see peoples faces when they find out special news. So, I'm chilling, having a nice time chatting with family in the kitchen and then it happens. Tonya, who had been sitting this whole time, stands up with a baby bump and my reaction, which I am ASHAMED of was: I thought you were done!!  That is what they had led me to believe anyhow. I went out and sat on the front step and cried my eyes out. Thinking to myself, why didn't my Mom just tell me so I wouldn't be hit so hard by it? At that time I thought she should have understood that I was not doing so good when it came to pregnancy announcements from my siblings. It knocked the wind out of my sails. It was hard in that moment but I don't really blame my Mom, I get that she doesn't get what it's like to be infertile.

Those are the only announcements that I had horrible reactions to. My sister told me she was pregnant over the phone, she was living out of state at the time. I was excited for her. She blessed me with the cutest, sweetest little nephew a girl could have. I even got to be in the room for his grand entrance into the world. Talk about amazing events. I didn't actually see him until he was a little cleaned up and wrapped in a blanket due to the fact that he was a c-section baby, but it was still amazing!

Don't get me wrong, I feel the sting every time I hear about a pregnancy or a baby being born but it usually goes away pretty fast. I try to stay positive. Any baby being brought into this world is a blessing.